CASTE DISCRIMINATION AND ITS INTERNALIZATION: STORY OF SARITA

    One day went by, a week and then another week went by…..nobody noticed it but 

as a teacher each child matters so her absence mattered. Sarita (name changed) was a girl from Class 8, quiet in nature she didn’t engage a lot in class, so most of them hadn’t noticed her absence. It had started worrying me when I started hearing from some of my students that she has left school and isn’t planning to come back. 

The second I heard that I felt a rush of regret and fear flowing within me, ‘Why didn't I notice it earlier? Why didn’t I try to reach out to her earlier? Why didn’t I notice the troubles in her eyes which had led this little girl to take such a big decision to drop out of the school?” These questions kept lingering me so then I decided to go for a home visit.

I went to meet her along with three of my students. Her mother welcomed us. As soon as I saw her mother I could notice the sadness in her eyes which looked exhausted. As we started communicating, we came to know that Sarita’s father had died by suicide so she was being raised by a single mother. 

Gradually, I asked the mother, ‘What is the reason behind your daughter leaving school?’ I had been assuming back in my mind that it must be because of workload in order to support the family but to my shock, she replied, 

“I don’t know myself. She doesn’t tell me clearly. I tell her to go to school every day but she refuses it. I can’t deal with this girl.”

 We waited for Sarita as she had gone to the fields for work. Soon after, she came back home, she was shocked as well as shy to see us. Her room wasn’t in proper condition so she slightly arranged some stuff and then sat with us. We gave her a big smile and she returned it back with a shy smile. 

We talked about how her days were going and then I finally asked her the big question, “Why did you decide to leave school?” She paused for a while and looked at me with her painful eyes. She didn’t open up at first but slowly she did. 

          She said, “I don’t want to go to school because I don’t feel good there. My classmates don’t like me, they want to stay away from me, and they don’t care about me. I am weak in studies as well and have been told that someone who comes from my community holds this fate; we can’t do better in studies. Everything hurts so I want to quit school because after all, this is what my fate is.”

I was shocked to hear this as a teacher, I failed to notice this. I fell silent for some moments and couldn’t utter anything. This little girl had to decide to take such a big decision and the reason behind her decision was the fact that she belonged to a certain identity, from a Dalit community. Isn’t it outraging to see the lives of people being affected negatively just because they belong to a certain community or identity?

        

          As I talked with her, I started noticing the internalized discrimination as well. She had grown up with such scenarios all her life that she herself believed it to be true and to see that was really heartbreaking and devastating.

       

         So the next day, I again went to her home along with the three girls. This time when we entered her room it was organized and everything was in place. It was such a happy moment to see that. Then, the three girls gave their copies to Sarita in order to copy notes and updated her about the course progress. The girls even comforted Sarita and promised that they will stick with her. Sarita was really happy at that moment after all she felt the love that she was always deserving of from her classmates. 

The next day, all the girls from Class 8 went to her home to take her back to school. It was such an empowering moment to see these girls sticking up for each other.

 Everything was going fine until the Dashain and Tihar break ended. Again, Sarita started missing school. So, this time we went to her home immediately and found that she had gone to her relative’s house in another village. We waited many days and finally, after weeks she came back.

I and my co-fellow went to her home as soon as we found out. It was already late at night, they were preparing to sleep. The moment we saw her she started getting uncomfortable. 

Then she said to us instantly, “Please don’t ask me to go back to school. I don’t want to study. My will to study has died. I am happy with how the situation is. This is my fate.”

We tried to talk with her but she had already taken the decision. At this moment, when leaving her home, I felt numb and shattered. I felt like I had failed to fulfill my purpose, I had failed to save her; I had failed to be there for her, I had failed to help her realize that she mattered, her absence mattered. Sarita didn’t return back to school after that.

Caste discrimination existing in our society is extremely deep-rooted. The discrimination has been so normalized and internalized that the sufferers themselves fail to realize that they deserve better. There are thousands of kids like Sarita out there who have abandoned school and lost hope in their future. It is high time we realize the adverse effects of caste discrimination in an individual's dignity, self-esteem, and being and take steps that we can to address this issue.